In the process of marriage counseling, I often tell the visiting couples that to maintain a harmonious and happy marriage, as long as the problems can be solved around the three aspects of respect, love and cooperation, it will generally bring benefits. Recently, the marriage and love website "Your Tango" also interviewed many scholars, interpersonal relationship experts, and couples to talk about how to create a good marriage. You may wish to learn from the 12 summarized suggestions.
- Take responsibility for your marriage. If there are any problems in your marriage, you should have a basic attitude: I am also responsible. If you always feel that it is none of my business and the main problem lies with the other party, then your maturity in marriage is very low. When a person is clearly aware of his inescapable responsibility for the relationship, he can communicate with his partner in a mature and intimate manner.
- Express affection. "Love is hard to express" is not implicitly romantic, which hinders the development of love. If you are in love, express it directly, don't be stingy with words. You can also express love in other ways, such as holding hands more often, hugging, kissing, etc. When you hug or kiss, try to extend the time to 5-10 seconds, the effect will be better.
- Just different, no right or wrong. No two people agree exactly on everything. Don't expect such things from your partner, and don't expect such things from a perfect relationship. It is not a big problem for two people to be different. If you learn to accept each other's differences, the conflict will be reduced a lot. And when you try to change a spouse, you come across as nagging and consistently deliver the accusatory message, "You're not good enough." No one likes to be treated that way. So please allow your spouse to be who they are and not interfere too much.
- Communicate feelings frequently. It's not your partner's job to read your mind, guess how you're feeling, and empathize with you all the time. You don't even know yourself, let alone another person? Cut down on "you guessed it" interactions, which are huge barriers to open, honest communication and can fill your relationship with suspicion, frustration, and frustration. If you have any thoughts and feelings, talk about them openly, understand each other's needs and bottom line during the conversation, give the other party the love they need, and teach the other party how to love you.
- Pay attention to fairness. There are too many "natural" things in marriage. Reflect, when it comes to sharing chores, communicating needs, expressing grievances, handling finances, parenting, and supporting each other, do you automatically feel who is responsible for these things? Are you both fair in the amount you take on? If there is an obvious imbalance, it is difficult for the relationship to develop long-term and healthy. This is the time to communicate how to improve and make it fair.
- Make marriage management a top priority. Adults have many different social roles, and they also pursue in various fields. If you want your marriage to be happy, you must treat it as an important career. A neglected plant will wither, and a neglected marriage will lose love. Don't think that once you get married, the relationship is automatically guaranteed. How important is your lover in your heart? How much have you paid for this relationship? The answers to these questions all affect the quality of marriage.
- Be kind to your partner. If your spouse treats you with kindness, tenderness, patience, and restraint, it is easy for you to respond with kindness. And if others treat you badly, get angry with you, or get impatient with you, you won't give others a good face. These principles are easy to understand, please practice in your own marriage, and don't easily hit your partner. Be kind to your loved ones, and be kind to yourself.
- Make time for romance. Schedule a romantic date on a regular basis to rekindle love. Dating does not need to be gorgeous, it can achieve the goal if you can recall the initial heartbeat and reminisce about the sweetness at that time.
- Enjoy sex time. Sitting face to face, looking into a loved one's eyes, relaxes and calms the mind and the mind. Putting aside all distracting thoughts, enjoy the skin-to-skin contact with your partner immersingly, explore more, have more tricks, and create the deepest intimacy.
- Give yourself some space. Intimacy is not always sticky together, each other should have time to breathe freely. The party who is easy to rely on should consider whether his behavior brings depression to the other party. Especially men, they need more space, and the wife should have a certain amount of advance and retreat, and don't overly interfere with his life. You should also develop your own hobbies and circle of friends, build your own small space, and gain energy from it, so that you can better feed this positive state back into your marriage relationship.
- Control your emotions. We always remind ourselves to control our emotions in front of outsiders, but many people are willful and impulsive in front of their lovers. Don't vent your anger to outsiders, let alone to your own people. Why hurt someone who loves you? Don't let an impulse ruin a relationship. "Can't bear it" is an excuse. You are very patient in front of leaders and customers. Can you share some of this patience with your partner?
- Schedule more activities. The place to cultivate relationships is not limited to the home. If two people can experience more things together and know more people together, the quality of the relationship will be better. It is recommended to arrange frequent travel, participate in some group activities together, and join some small societies together. Through various activities, you can deepen your understanding of your lover, promote the emotional connection between two people, and let the relationship always glow with new vitality.
